.

I Mean What I Say...No Means No...
by Ali Ashton
aashton@armadamag.com

What I really meant when I said "no" was NO! Can I not get any clearer when telling over zealous men that I really did just veto their request! With the end of 2003 just behind us it seems that the year of the imbecile is not. My life is always full of ridiculous stories and encounters, but seriously, men need to refill their mojo. Etiquette is apparently out the door and so am I! 

I was hanging out with a business contact of whom became a friend of mine. We would go out on average maybe once a month for a drink and chat. One night we were driving to Buckhead to grab something to eat at Fado and in the car he asks, "so, when are we going to snuggle?" Of course I am stunned from the out of the blue query and answer honestly with "we aren't going to snuggle... because we are friends." He comes back with saying certain friends snuggle and he repeats his aforementioned question. After telling him and making it completely obvious in my eyes that our type of friendship isn't the kind that involves snuggling of any shape or form, this wisecracker still doesn't give up! For HOURS (no exaggeration) Mr. Suavé continues his quest in pushing my buttons and eventually hit that big red shiny one that ejected us out of there. The drive home wasn't comfortable to say the least and the debonair had his last comment that perfectly ended the evening. With the elegance and poise he demonstrated all evening he turned to me and said, "I swear, if you write about this I will PUNCH you in your FACE." Gee, I wonder why I never wanted to snuggle with such a cuddly person. Not only did this person lose my friendship and redefine the power of suggestion, but for a guy in sales he really needs to work on his delivery and learn that there is a time and a place to seal the deal. Let me help you out, Time: NEVER. Place: Neverland.

On another note, what about guys who ask to spend the night after just meeting. Worse yet are the guys I know through friends who assume I am cool with sharing my bed because your friend is my friend, right?! Wrong. I was out with an old college buddy and his friend was in town that was also an acquaintance I knew from school. We hung out throughout the night and then he pops the mood-killing question and asks to bunk with me for the night. I kindly turned down his offer and he resumed his line of questioning and even says, "We don't have to do anything...if you don't want to." Smack me in the face and pinch me twice. Am I not clear in annunciating the word... "N-O?" Even if I were speaking another language it would still be understood. So I got up and moved on to my next bar with friends. Can you guess who called me 8 times within an hour looking for me? Persistence pays off but not in this case.

The satire here is that I get all these horrible interest stories but no real love interests on the horizon. When will I finally be able to say "Yes" to one of these schmucks and have a bed buddy of my own? A sheet warmer. A friendly snuggle bunny besides my teddy bear. I didn't want to become the 'bed nazi.' I'm just looking for the right kind of guy, the right amount of courtesy and comprehends timing is everything. No is usually an easy word to understand since it is one of the very first ones we learn as an infant. And if you are a guy that doesn't grasp the meaning of the word then please don't waste my time. What I need isn't a baby. Just know this all you cute single guys out there, my eyes are peeled and the sheets are turned down for you. 

Ali
aashton@armadamag.com